ANATOMY OF FRIENDSHIP…
ENLIGHTENMENT!
Betwixt and between a few hundred apartments and villas…where I live…there is harmony…the enlightenment kind…because friendship transports and supports…
It’s an old folks home…no Medieval or Gothic architecture…nope, straight ordinary, fairly handsome Modernistic buildings… planted around a large acreage…glorious landscaping…gardeners galore…the type of scenery you can swoon over…with every few steps.
Hundreds of perspicacious residents…
a few formidable because this is unequivocally the place for opinions and smarts…you can’t have an arrangement of mostly grey or white hair…along with, no hair…not offering tidbits of superior enlightenment…or assertive leadership…or downright bossiness or…site wise…superb and sublime humor. Nope, not in this old folks home.
Because it’s an “old folks home”…unfortunately, that also connotes finality..meeting get-togethers become bankrupt..and the song “so long…farewell…auf Wiedersehe… goodbye”…comes to the forefront.
Aye, that is the hardest one of all.
It hangs in the air around you. Old folks do live…with that certainty…you cannot really, really believe it is yet… another ending…and always a hard one.
Each friend…was so special…
Please…meet…two of my lasting friendships…BETTY
So many good books to share. Betty did most of the sharing as book after book appeared in my apartment…her books came as gifts from her daughters…her own private lending library to me. I bought red wine for her…when meeting in my apartment…(wine not quite as lasting…as the written word in a fine book…is it?)
She was enterprising…
she had a sweet classy food shop…her cook store brought luminary chefs to teach classes, intermingle and share highlights…Betty’s shop…was stocked with enticing goods…one tempting product after the other…best, always, to take your wallet!
She was born to garden…learned her skills from her Canadian Grandparents when she was a little girl…took a train from the state of Washington all the way to Alberta, Canada… all by herself in a train stateroom…dressed in her best…
marched to the dining car…nodded and smiled to strangers… waiters watched over her…she delighted in the attention.
Betty worked the soil and created a verdant garden…our old folks home has set aside two areas for residents…her assigned plot was assiduously looked after…she delivered tasty, juicy tomatoes all over the place,…my favorite gift…chives…sometimes some flourishing flowers…herbs… still gardening at 95!
She packed a few books and took theatre classes in London and New York. Didn’t hide away in her hotels for meals…nope, solo dined at fine restaurants with one of those books for company,…loved well-prepared food…took in a lot of theatre and sightseeing…an independent lady.
Most notably…Betty married Ray…their honeymoon was in Alaska… countless new friendships…
Ray worked on commercial fishing boats…that summer to earn money for university…Betty worked for money to feed them…both pushing the boundaries of hard work…they loved every minute.
And then…three gorgeous, outstanding daughters and a marvelous son…lots of grandchildren and great grandchildren…all wonderfully caring to Betty who now lived alone…in an apartment above me. They had to say good-bye to Ray…three years ago…along with the rest of us…in our old folk’s home.
Ray, Betty and I were three amigos…
always, a humorous outlook …parties were joyful…special times…
(Ray left a timeless mark…an accomplished artist …intuitive at connections…a warm vibe for meeting and greeting at resident gatherings…together, they radiated friendship, openness and warmth.)
And when Betty and family said good-bye to Ray…their support for each other was so very closely linked.
Betty and I met in each other’s apartments…just before dinner…often with a glass of wine… (Wine aficionados would not seek us…probably be ostracized from their wine club…we dumped ice cubes in our wine glasses.) We chatted…we considered each other substantially informed..didn’t solve any worldly problems…always tried… not likely.
Solace unfolded… memories emerged…humor and books ruled…affable empathy…
And…then…too soon…Betty became ill…yet again…good night…goodbye…
I will never forget how Betty’s friendship fulfilled a sense of positive harmony… She was my friend who was all she could be…no limitations!
JOSEPHINE: We were friends for 84 years…what could be better? It happened in St. Louis in third grade…Josephine or Jo sitting at her wooden desk with her dark Italian curls doing arithmetic…as I entered the classroom for the first time …the epitome of shyness with my red hair and gold rimmed glasses. (I was the only one in the classroom with glasses and red hair…definitely underrepresented.)
And so…third grade began…a bunch of eight year olds looking forward to recess. Most of the class had been together since kindergarten… I stood against the fence…that first day…of course, feeling lonely watching them play dodge ball, tag, hop scotch, jump rope…whatever was the in-game of that day…passionate in their energy to win…They were not unfriendly…they didn’t see me but when they did…my startled “how did I get here” look behind my glasses disappeared…and laughter bounced its way forward…
We waded through those elementary grades…
Jo and I were not best friends…her best friend was Helen…mine, Beverly, but together…it all turned into a group of twelve…
We formed a “permanent” club…when we were twelve-ish “The Tacky Teeners”…pretending we were teenagers…I think I came up with the “Tacky” part…didn’t pay attention to the real meaning of tacky…but then again…maybe it was a perfect fit.
Sadly…we had no bona fide goals….all twelve landing at one another’s homes on a Friday night. We created a game called Murder… some of those black basements with furnaces, coal chutes, trunks, cast-offs…scared the wits out of us….as we skulked and ducked behind barriers… it was not an intellectual gathering of future scholars.
The tangible showpiece of the night was food.
The parents who were stuck with us for the night…actually created virtual feasts—-one Mother out-showcasing another…and then, our Daddy’s picked us up for the drive home…at least…those of us on the perimeters….(one block held four Tacky Teeners.)…happy Fathers living on that block…usually their Mother’s came.
Helen, Jo and I took long bike rides together…sometimes more than twenty some blocks…upon reaching our destination on one occasion…we had a churlish spat…we couldn’t bike home together…we were not united!
We each took separate corresponding streets…pedaling as fast as we could… indignantly checking each other as we arrived on side streets…had to see if the other one had caught up…usually arriving at each side street at the same time…haughty looks…and then faster pedaling…didn’t speak again that whole day.
Jo and I scattered for college…although she went to Michigan State with us…to check it out…they had an ice rink on campus…I was still a bit in the throes of skating.
I moved to California, marriage…but when we visited my family in St. Louis… Jo steadfastly had a party for us…old and new friends (especially Margaret). Sometimes, I would see…one of Jo’s three adorable children…peeking out on the festivities…throughout and always…their family togetherness…was warm and welcoming.
Margaret and her husband built and owned Tara Point Inn including the Tara Point Cottages…on a spectacularly high bluff…on the Illinois side of the Mississippi River…a gorgeous B and B overlooking the “Meeting of the Great Rivers”…where the Mississippi, Missouri, and Illinois rivers merged…great dreamy mattresses with plush accouterments awaited us in the Inn….tucked below the bluffs…restaurants, parks and quaint shops to explore.
(A man named James Scott…tampered with a levee… caused a primary breach…the Mississippi River flooded in 1993…a major flood…the deluge immersed the lower streets and roads on Margaret’s Illinois’ side… newscasters from all over emerged…they stayed at Tara Point Inn…their broadcasts took place from there…. James went to prison.)
Jo, Margaret and I traveled together…
river cruises…it was serendipity until…a sad early good-bye to Margaret.
Her imprint was beyond measurable.
St. Louis was home to bitterly cold winters…Jo rented a condo in Naples, Florida for a few months…and so…I began my visits…Naples has a serene elegance…soft white sand beaches, beautiful homes…an unbelievable amount of classy shops…spectacular sunsets…and much more.
A few years later…Jo bought a condo…happily…
I became the designer. The plan… I would fly to St. Louis… where Jo had secured..a rather humongous and old van…it was brimming with the cast-offs of family and friend… largish bits and bobs…like the one tied on top…a rocking chair???…two impecunious women driving…they looked like…they were on the bread-line…11,000 miles later…rattling into Naples..
We only had a week…the scene was set…at the starting line…our flurry of activity…a need for speed and motion…GO! Thrilled for her trust…
We hired two workers…from another outdoor job… to unload the van…the fabric ordered had arrived…the new sofa was arriving in four days…we bought paint…hired a drapery lady…found an upholsterer…recovered chairs…pillows…purchased used lighting fixtures…hired installers…fans…electrical…painted chairs…did not stop for one minute…worked to midnight each night…found every nook and cranny in Naples… we made the design work!
Jo’s father had wet macular degeneration…it was hereditary for some…it was for Jo…
She was encouraged…to join a clinical three-year study…experimental…big eye company. At the end of her three years…no improvement…one more visit…one more injection…into the vitreous part of the eye…
he missed…………………………………………
stabbed her in her eye’s pupil…
She was blinded in that eye…had little sight in the other…Dr. said he was so sorry in court…wringing his hands…was worried about his grand-son that day… he was exonerated… but the company… paid a substance to Jo for the rest of her life…
She didn’t need the substance…she needed what sight she had before the study.
She was always valiant…in any face of adversity…she joined a Lions Club program in Michigan…Leader Dogs for the Blind…an intensive three week training program…Jo returned to St. Louis…with her new soulmate…Nina. (In the Hindi language…Nina means…”beautiful eyes”…)
Adventure was in our future…with my dream two legged friend… and…a four legged black Labrador. In our travels… I was their silent partner…because… I was not to offer even a glimmer…of a direction.
Nina’s job…lead…and only listen to Jo.
As I am writing this…today is June 19 …it is Jo’s 92nd birthday…when visiting…she shared…her vivid and warm-hearted St.Louis family with me…their smiles and laughter…truly welcoming.
I shall never forget…my darling eight year old friend…and…our times spent together…filled with laughter…generosity…loyalty… trust…certainty… She was my friend, a friend who was all she could be…there were no limitations with Josephine.
Friendship is vision, constancy, collaboration and the ability to agree, disagree…I have and will…always cherish… each and every…friendship.
My two friends…and others…leave a gift of style, flair, pizzazz, kindness, trust and more…their loss is unfathomable.
Optimistically I shall take from all…old and new…their…love of discovery…quiet strengths…as my future shining example.
Sy’s Salient Points: In my life…friendship…is…and will …always …be built….to endure.
So many friendships over the years…that shall…continue..to define…and inspire…then…and now…
What could be better?
My friends are fearless…
Graphics: Various publications: National Geographic, Smithsonian, etc.
Happy Birthday Carol Jean
Have a splendid family trip to Easter Island, Darling Blaire