Believe it or not…
It was strongly suggested that I was actually asked to step up to the plate and be a sort-of-slave.
There were multiple choices available, but oh nooo, the “power-that-be” were pushing my one un-choice! Nothing weird or interesting like asking me to teach tae kwon do, nope, and not because they liked me a lot, they did not… They liked their program/agenda a lot and wanted lots of us to like it…
Please join me as I look back on a most befuddled, baffled and bewildered time. I was about to embark upon a new job description for which I was totally unprepared.
As so often happens with me, my imagination circumvents and glosses over, under and around——in this case it was downright scary for me to be the person in charge of a loved one’s health. Therefore, not only did my imagination take over, (honestly, all by itself,) it concocted the following outlandish escapade…
THE CAPRICIOUS CAPER
My First Big Thought:
Impossible…absolutely impossible!
Me…be a nurse? No way!
In the beginning…Eons Ago:
I was that hopelessly squeamish kid! The tippy-toe who did not want to step into that mucky, smeary puddle in her bare feet. That said, I wasn’t much better as an adult; This was a moonshot on their part of telling me to step up to the plate and be a nurse…unthinkable, They would not…
They did!
Sooner then you can say…Jackie Robinson” sob, sob, I had…
My Very Own Nursing Hub
Tremble, shake, shudder…
Scene 1…
I really was a nurse with an honest-to-goodness patient. My patient was actually going to trust me to be a——gasp——nurse with bona fide medical equipment! Granted, nurses need patients to practice nursing, but I’m downright sure my patient wanted the real deal. Reality started when the boxes started arriving and kept arriving.
If you looked into our guest bedroom you would think it was sort of a surgery, a tall chrome pole, long plastic tubes, a jug-looking thing.
Two chairs——one relaxingly comfortable, for the patient and the other——utilitarian——mine.
I was in charge! A real-life nurse with three months training, one week devoted to washing my hands, scrubbing my nails, argh. If I touched the wrong thing——back to the sink——I had the most hygenic hands in the Western Hemisphere..
Fortunately for me, my patient was patient. My most hair-raising musings——he trusted me!
Scene 2
A Rare Opportunity:
There was one contrivance that was part of the equipment at my private nursing station that captivated my imagination…it possibly could, yes——it just might turn my new occupation into a CAPER…
ROMANCING THE POLE!
It was sort of love at first sight because… EVERYTHING looks superb on the tall and slender, plus high on the preferred list in the design world is color. All those shades and tints of silvery gray, pearl gray, smokey gray, platinum—— Those shades, tints, hues go with everything!
(I digress for a moment)—-Many years ago I told a cherished friend we were installing gray carpeting in some areas of our home.
My friend Margaret shut her eyes, grimaced, shuddered and said, “No way! Never!—-Don’t do it, reminds me of a shroud!”
Our shimmery gray carpet was on its way.
Not once, did it remind me of a shroud.
And, it worked extremely well, showed nothing, wore way too well, we actually became dog-tired of it. Then, we hated it.
About that slender object… Truth be known—— I NEVER EVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE IN LOVE WITH A POLE!
Firstly I need to clarify my new affection in case you think I am speaking about a POL—-ISH PRINCE. I have not met any POL—ISH royalty ever. You also would be wrong to think it has something to do with the South Pole—–Antartica—-too cold and windy——equally so—–the North Pole. (Penguins are fascinatingly adorable—especially those who tap dance on TV and I do admire Inuit art, all that jewelry, baskets, wood and soapstone carvings, etc., but the cumbersome clothing and thick mittens would reduce my pole moving agility.
I would also be nervous about possibly having a momentary lapse of brain thought and accidentally touch my hand onto the pole. Can you imagine? If I stayed in either of those two Pole Places with their glacial temperature, my poor bare hand (sob) could forever become physically attached and maybe I (sob) would never get the pole off my hand resulting in a truly unwanted pole body attachment—-bringing this thought to mind… Short Informative Scholastic Moment:
HISTORIC INTERVAL
I originally was not convinced my IVPole was a design piece-de-resistance because it really is not of modern contemporary 21st century design——they’ve been around a while, have they not, especially when observing their shiny foil exterior and sturdy feet.
(Talk about being around for a while…—— “The first recorded attempt at administering a therapeutic substance via IV injection was in 1492, when Pope Innocent VIII fell ill and was administered blood from healthy individuals. ”The History of IV Therapy” ivWatch https://www.ivwatch.com)
The stainless steel intravenous type drip stand that I was using was invented by a registered nurse named Marie D. Hollenback in 1963.
More Useless Info:
Did you know that every year a panel of color experts meet to decide the colors we will love and most importantly purchase for the next year. The Color Council also comes up with a lot of clever names to make the new shades enticing. My pole has three gray hues depending on where the light was shining upon different sections—-Sensuous Gray, Rhinestone Sparkle and Peaceful Starry Night.
Wow! Working in Design, I know from experience catchy names do catch the eye of Design Shoppers.
Scene 3
I am working hard to get my core muscles in shape for…
My pole inducements:
The sturdy straight arms near its top offer the flourish of loopy curls AND that bracket for height adjustment solves adaptability constraints. The five base bars next to the floor hold wheels that allow grace of movement and balance—–this is true ergonomic design resembling a bona fide anthropomorphic appearance.
(Because of the wheels it is not the kind of exotic pole you would find in a gentleman’s nightclub allowing me to swing around upside-down while wearing practically no clothing executing a sexy shimmie or performing exotic moves such as sliding my backside up and down. (In the stripper trade – that is known as pole dancing.)
Definitely not in my trajectory of trendy talents as a nonagenarian but who knows? (I recently read an article that said a whole lot of older women were taking up just that type of tricky pole movements.)
My pole easily slides/glides allowing me to gracefully move backward——I like to think of it as floating. It is so light I can do this skillfully while holding my pole with only one arm while the other arm gracefully moves. (Sort of like the arm movements in Swan Lake.) At the same time, I am skillfully hopping between and around the vogue-ish black wheels that turn on a dime.
One possibility is to learn a foxy dance routine and for that I will have to watch the old Fred Astaire movie, Royal Wedding where Fred dances with a hat rack—-certainly a close second to a pole,——also Donald O’Connor had some spiffy dance moves with a broom. The potential is there—-average is not in my vocabulary particularly when dancing in the future with an IV pole to Singing In The Rain.
If I learn to gyrate aka Elvis, I might do the version of pole dancing that Elvis did in his movie Jailhouse Rock wherein he meshed his rock and roll song and dance routine using a staircase pole thus turning it into a fitness routine.
I know I have the heart to learn tricks, move smoothly, be technically adept and rhythmically artistic on my IV pole. Just watch me!
Scene 4
By Rights, there must be more, I still have things to prove how fascinating a pole can be!
How about…
A brief and truly exciting jaunt. I’m thinking about rolling down the rather steep hill outside our driveway.
I should take this creature out for a spin! I must learn how to make a left turn out of our gently sloping driveway——(probably have to use only two wheels,). And then it will be imperative to execute a sharp right at the bottom of the street to turn onto what can be an extremely busy downhill street.). But by using my hand signals and wearing my gaudy helmet, I plan to coast all the way down to the freeway ramp.
(Not to worry, I plan to go at the first ray of dawn——no traffic.)
Tempting as it would be, my common sense will draw the line at cruising on the freeway. Although, I am definitely wondering, would it be possible to attach a simple gear or two? (Absolutely no motor!) Surely an engineer or a whole bunch of them will leap at the chance to design a high caliber gear for an IVPole——think of the career recognition. Oh my gosh, this could be the bold high-level opportunity of their lifetime. (I am placing an ad right now for a “street smart” engineer.)
Scene 5
My ultimate escapade!
Perfecting the art of doing wheelies while riding downhill on an IV pole on my hilly city street——Wheelies whoa,
Whoops! Need a BRAKE, Confirmation: trade the gears for a brake, keeping it simple with a classy, sleek look. I don’t want to muck up my pole!
My Second Big Thought:
Maybe I should enhance my pole with colorful decorations. Definitely worthy of a bit of exploration. It is the perfect way to customize my pole because once I have broken it in to all its many capabilities, I want it to be unquietly mine!
What To Do About Stylish Garments?
There has to be a type of tasteful ensemble for our new sport.
You might think me frivolous, but doesn’t it just make sense if we are going to be serous athletes or ballroom dancers with our poles to have an innovative uniform style while we showcase our taste and talent. Sounds like a trip to Paris would be just the ticket for design advice. Then again, I am going to design snappy Bermuda shorts and t-shirts with Peter Pan collars.
(Probably date me in the future of my sport. I guess I’ll negate the Peter Pan collars or make them optional. I don’t know about you, but I think they are just darling!)
And, finally, to show our sound judgement, we will be wearing helmets. with sunny eye-catching hues completing these uniforms.
Scene 6
Manifesting Another Breakthrough Concept:
My Boldest and Best!
The Optimum Pinnacle…
I’m thinking of emailing the head of the Olympic Committee regarding my state-of-the-art hybrid IVAcquaplane Pole.
If you follow the Olympics, doesn’t it seem like there is always yet another Olympic sport on the docket awaiting future fame and fortune. Indeed, are they not constantly coming up with what seems like some pretty outrageous or unimaginable Olympic Sports?
Why not my IVPole Downstreet Aquaplane? Catchy right?
By then, I shall be doing aerial tumbling tricks like Shawn White and will have opened 90,000 Downstreet IVAcquaplaning Pole Training Schools around the World. I’ll keep you posted——many of our successful students are planning to attend tryouts for the 2028 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles. I shall be right there with them. If you need tickets for my event, let me know. I might have some clout——after all, I am the creator.
I have accomplished so much.
Yes, There truly are a few tears in the corners of my eyes.
Thus, completing the scale of my capers with and on my IVPole!
As a matter of fact , you may have assumed that my patient felt great and cherished my care; you would be exactly right. But, it seems he was also happy and ready to work with some professionals IVers. Most likely they would not be day-dreaming about IV POLE Downstreet Acquaplaning during treatment.
P.S. Happily after six or seven months, I was able to give up my Nursing Job. (As it turns out, I was not officially titled a NURSE.)
Nope, nada——after three months of training and having the cleanest hands in San Diego and outlying counties…
I was a Care Provider——
Happy Sorority Days, Darling Blaire!